Is Sharing Really Caring?

Growing up, I was taught to share. Share your toys, your food, experiences, and time. Well, as I began to grow and mature, I saw the downsides to sharing. People manipulate, plot, and take advantage of your willingness to share for their own benefit. It is quite an interesting thing. You have someone who is essentially helping you, yet you find a reason to betray their trust and kindness for your own selfish needs. So now, things have shifted.

One of the most important things to anyone on this planet are their future plans or intentions. I am a firm believer in the power of words and the transference of energy. With that in mind, you have to accept the fact that everyone isn't on your side. Everyone that may be close to you may not be "for you". Over the years I developed a quote based around this. "People don't like to see you become successful without them." it is just the truth. What gets lost in that is the fact that we all have our own paths in life with a variety of intersections. Sometimes it isn't time for you to connect with certain people, or it may never just be a part of your journey in the first place. It gets deeper than that but I want to keep this surface level.

So with all that in mind, decisions must be made. One of those decisions is to be honest with yourself about your relationships with people and who you can truly trust with your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and plans. Some people will be there for you and help you. Others will try to discourage you and tell you what they would do. Then there are those who remain in the shadows either cheering you along, or hating on you. There are some other groups within this spectrum, but these are the common ones. I will say this, when you find someone that you trust and they are supportive, do whatever you can to preserve those relationships. There is nothing like being able to share the most amazing things in your life with someone.

I appreciate everyone that I have been able to share with without criticism, hate, and/or ill will. If you don't have people in your life you feel comfortable sharing with, I urge you to seek them out. One way to know if they meet that qualification is to pay attention to what they share with you and that actual actions they put behind their words. Anybody can spew ideas and pleasant thoughts, but if there is no action or progress made, it is just talk. Also, pay attention to how they respond when you share with them. Are they supportive, to the interject their opinion without you asking? Do they immediately throw out the idea of  "Partnering up" ?. Take all of that information in and think about what I said before. If they aren't motivated enough to take action when it comes to their own plans, how well do you think they will support what you are doing? Not saying it isn't possible, but what are the chances?

This has been on my mind for a while and I just wanted to get it out. I hope that you already have people in your life that you can share with. If not, I hope you find them soon.

Love and Peace

Robert Wilson Jr.

4AM….. More

My mind will not stop racing. It is taking me down so many paths right now that I can’t keep up. Careers, moving, gaming, Pass the Peaz, love, my health, food, wanting to be asleep right now, friends, family etc etc….

I think I’m actually starting to zero in on things that trigger this. When I’m excited, faced with major decisions, stressed and/or in an emotional state I can’t shut my mind off. Right now it is definitely the emotions. Go back and read the previous blog. How do I know? Well, I’m literally sifting through my thoughts and they are kinda highlighting themselves if that makes sense. Nothing really happened per say, but ever since my emotions have been tapped back into on this level, I’ve been trying to figure out how to manage it.

I feel like I’m feeling everything right now. It’s like a sensory overload. All I want to do is control it, but right now, I can’t. It is too damn much. At the same time, it makes me feel alive if that makes sense. It also serves as a reminder of where my empathy for others comes from. People love to say “ I understand “ or “ I feel you” but do they really or better yet have ever really? Shit do they truly care? I say that because as someone who has suppressed their emotions, I’m guilty of saying those things and while I may know the feeling, I can’t say that I’ve always cared. This brings me back to my emotions and my issue with the lack of control.

I believe things happen for a reason and this is no different, the problem is my mind is trying to answer too many questions at once. Things like.   “ Why did you bury your emotions in the first place? What about this recent new connection caused you to be triggered to this magnitude? Is triggered the right word? How do you truly feel? Why now? What am I supposed to learn from this? Why do I crave so much conversation with her?” I could go on but you get it.

See for me, the connections matter because I am also a believer in logic and reasoning. The problem is feelings/emotions don’t always make sense and trying to always link it to something logical or reasonable is uhhh….. a challenge. For now I know this. Writing things out like this helps. It helps because I don’t know to convert this into a conversation and I don’t want someone trying to rationalize my thoughts for me because I wouldn’t take them seriously because how would they know? 

Wow so, I wrote the last paragraph before I wrote this part… I think I have the answer as to why I buried my emotions. Hell I’ve said it out loud but in a different way. “ When I get into relationships, I put thing things I’ve been working on on the back burner and prioritize the relationship “ Well none of those relationships have worked out thus far and every time one ends, I find myself hitting a hard reset. Having to continuously start from 0. But I love women so when someone of interest comes along, I explore the opportunity. That’s when I tend to let my feelings override things. I guess over the years I tried to correct myself by burying them to nullify the urge to be with someone and focus on myself instead. Over-correction…..

In this very moment, the word BALANCE comes to mind. That seems to be a theme for me this year. Also MINDFULNESS. The truth of the matter is, I’ve always put others before myself hence why I end up with, from my perspective, less than in the end. The other truth is I can have that connection/relationship and pursue the things I want with the right partner. That’s what I need to keep at the forefront of my mind. There should be a balance of “ These are my personal goals and priorities and these are my relationship goals and priorities.” I think I’m a simple person, but maybe I’m more complex than I thought. When it comes to being mindful I need to remember to ask myself this.; “ Is she taking the time to get to know, love, support, and accept Robert Wilson Jr for who he is to his core?” Yeah this recent connection struck that nerve in all the best ways and maybe that enlightenment is what I needed. I know this isn’t the only reason why I likely buried my emotions, but I guess since this new connection involves a woman this one stands out.

So… once again this blog is serving it’s purpose as an outlet for me to just be. Imperfections, insecurities, confusion, discomfort, openness, and feelings and all. 

Peace, Love and Balance

Rob

You Again? Infatuation, Feelings, Logic.....

What up? 😅 Sheesh I haven't written a blog in about 3 or 4 years. Let me tell you, a lot has happened and some of that will be shared at some point. However, today is about my damn feelings. I have always had a difficult time dealing with and sorting out my feelings. Well, I truly believe life happens in cycles and something has come back around to bite me in the ass. It isn't a bad thing, it's just something I've been guided to reflect upon.

Long short, one of my gamer friends and I had a real ass conversation for the first time.... ever really. She opened up to me like most people do. This was some real ass talk. Long short and for the sake of her privacy, she had her heart broken. I know that feeling all too well. To my surprise, I found myself more and more intrigued with her as she shared more. Why? Is it because she is a gamer? Is it because she is a woman? Is it because I am thirsty? Is it because I can relate? Is it because you see her as vulnerable? None of that. It was because of the strength she showed and her mindset.

If you have been keeping up with the "Social Media" relationship streets lately, you would know that men and women in the black community are just at odds when it comes to dating. The narrative being pushed is a man has to basically be set up and willing, and able to take full care of a woman. Alternatively, he needs to be a certain height, make a certain amount, so on and so forth. As for the women, you have to have a low body count, be able to support and bring a man peace, be in shape, and know your place. Real gender role heavy stuff. It is all over the place. What I have come to understand is that the question " What do you bring to the table?" triggers people and a lot of the responses boil down to more superficial things that can actually fade or change quite fast. Many of the conversations exclude the qualities of the actual person like their mentality, ability to hold a conversation, their temperament, how they treat you, and their outlook on life.

Ok so now you have context on what I had been seeing lately. Back to her. 😌. She seemed to fall into that rare category of woman who looks at the man and who he is first and foremost. It has been 10 or more years since I've really heard a woman speak this way and actually mean it. Deadass I went back and read my own blog because this felt "familiar". This is why reflection is so important. So yeah, it intrigued me. I made sure the conversation wasn't one sided and I shared my own experiences of course. One thing that I truly wanted her to know is that heartbreaks changes a person. I have lost myself and found myself less open and more detached from my feelings as a defense mechanism. Although you should learn from your mistakes and protect yourself, you don't want to lose the very essence of who you are to your core. She is just a sweet and kind person who has worked hard to get to where she is and I didn't want her to feel like all that work was in vein. I think she got the message and now only time will tell as she continues on her healing journey.

Ight so y'all might judge me but I really don't care. This is therapeutic for me and I need to let this all out. She fucked my head up in a good way. I was not expecting this at all. So, she is into astrology and card reading. I have never really taken a deep dive into all of that, but again I was intrigued so I asked her for a reading. (Disclaimer: There was nothing demonic or "Evil" about this experience). All she needed was my birthdate, where I was born and the time. This is where she fucked me up. She texted me some things about what is called my "Chart" and some of my "Placements". I googled some of it and found it to be surprisingly accurate. Not in a coincidental type of way. In a " Wow I can name multiple situations in great detail that align with this." type of way.  She also noted that we had some similarities which I made a mental note of myself.

So now my head is all over the place. Her calm and soothing nature mixed with our conversation just reignited something in me that had just been dormant for quite some time. The hopeless romantic in me lol. Man listen I thought it was dead and gone and I began to mostly go by logic vs what I am feeling which is quite the task let me tell you. As a human, we are going to feel things and we should acknowledge our feelings. This was a moment in time when I realized I needed to rebalance myself.

Now during this time, real shit, I became infatuated with her. Not in an unhealthy stalker type of way, but in a "I want to know more about you." kind of way. I feel like she was speaking to my very being ( she actually was) and was taking the time to look inside of me. That's when I had to pump my brakes. I was having a "feeling overload". I felt special, unique, and the attention was intoxicating and I loved it all. My thoughts were running wild and I honestly wasn’t trying to stop them.  I even played out what a life with her would be like in my head. Yeah, my feelings had taken over completely and I was enjoying that feeling. Some of you know what that is like. It took a few days, but I came back down to reality. She did for me what she does for others when it comes to reading, and there is nothing that indicates personal interest when it comes to that. Yes it felt good, but I had to realign my feelings and logic with one another and see things for what they were. 

My previous experiences with misinterpreting things in life came in handy with this situation. Early on in my life I wouldn't make any moves whatsoever and I missed out. I was hoping they would just "Feel" or "Understand" the way I felt about them. Then I overcorrected myself and began to make moves too soon based on infatuation without taking the time to get to know them better. That always ended in disappointment because when reality set it, I wasn't as interested as I thought, or visa versa. Over the years I learned to balance it, but since I have been single for a while, I guess I needed this all to happen as sort of a tune up. I do want to start dating again soon and I need to have my thoughts and feelings in check.

Back to her again.😉 So when we caught up and had another conversation about my chart, shit got extremely deep. I mean extremely. She spoke to me about some of the themes in my life that I had been dealing with, my personality traits, and the way I interpret things. Basically 100% accurate which was surprising and a bit eye opening. In between her breaking down my chart and my placements we were having personal conversations about experiences, and once again my damn feelings were taking over. Our shared experiences mixed with our overlapping chart placements were giving me that " She might be the one" feeling. (Hopeless Romantic). So once again I had to give myself a reality check. Other than the fact that we were sharing personal experience and commonalities, we weren't on that type of time. Again that relatability, attention, and her soothing nature just got to me again Sheesh.

So where am I today? Today I am much more balanced. As I said earlier this was a place I have been before, but it has been quite some time since I've been here. I felt "Seen" and "Understood" and for me that equals love, but it is not an indication of anything romantic per say. That's what my experiences have taught me. I needed this and didn't even know I did. Learning to open myself back up and allowing myself to to "feel" more is important. It's what makes me feel alive and in touch with what is going on around me. I just have to remember that it's normal. I also have to remember to balance my feelings with logic or reality. 

As for her..... I am still drawn to her because of her mindset and our conversations. The wild infatuation is dying down and I can see things more clearly and I am able to manage my thoughts and feelings much better. One thing that I know I will have to deal with is making a decision. She is clearly hurting, healing, and processing everything. I am still making decisions on what's next for me professionally, personally, and romantically. The timing of all of this is perfectly imperfect. Maybe we connected like this just for me to rebalance myself. Maybe I am just meant to be a safe space of comfort for her like I am for many others. Maybe there is potential for something more for us in the future as we get to know one another. Maybe I am overthinking everything and I just need to let it all happen. I don't know. What I do know is, I am thankful for this experience and the growth that will come from it.

So.... yeah this is what has occupied my mind over the last 2 weeks. It brought me back here. My blog. My safe haven. My thoughts and feelings in black and white. My very own reflection. Taking a look at myself and traveling down this road of thoughts feelings and experiences has reminded me of how far I've come in this life. 

Love, Peace, and Blessings

Rob

Out of Nowhere...

Listen, no for real listen. If there is one thing life has taught me, it's that you can't stay stuck in the same place. You have to get off of your ass and do something about it. So in light of this.... I did a thing.......

So I joined some singles groups on social media. I wasn't really looking for anything other than some conversation. Little did I know that I would end up with way more than I bargained for. Upon posting my picture and introducing myself, I received some very warm welcomes. To my surprise I also got a few private messages. However one person definitely stood out among the rest. As we all do, I had to look her profile a bit and also check some of her pictures. I didn't see any craziness so I replied to her message. ...

Real talk that was June 5th and we have been in conversation ever since. This is something I truly needed. It is interesting and a huge refreshing new thing for me, well for us. One step at a time right? Well I am getting to know her pretty well and she would be able to say the same. Until then I will enjoy the moment.

Sometimes when you have a bad breakup or things just aren't going the way you want them to, you need a fresh start. When the doubt, disappointment, sadness, fear, and just hopelessness all try to gang up on you, you have to fight back. When you fight back you begin to see that the world and your options are much more expansive and available than you might think. Don't allow yourself to get boxed in. Fight back. Remember to take care of yourself mentally, physically, and financially.


Love, Peace, and Happiness...

So this happened.....

          What's going on? You ight? You good? Covid 19 A.K.A. Corona Virus still fucking up your life too? 2020 still whooping yo ass too? Yeah me too. Ohhh yeah my relationship is over. Where I am today and in this moment tells me it is over for good on all levels. It wasn't pretty, it wasn't fun, and it wasn't expected at all. Real talk, I can't even talk about it in this post like I originally planned because I don't really know what I want to say about it. Instead I will talk about what I am feeling right now.
         Needless to say this shit sucks! You court, you plan, you love, you cater, you do the " right " things and end up back in the land of the singles. I honestly thought I was done with this, but clearly I was wrong. The part of this that is the hardest to deal with is the self reflection. Yes I had conversations with her and asked questions for the sake of closure, but when someone lies to you, can you really trust anything they say? You're kinda left to your own devices and thoughts. " Was it all a lie? Was I good enough? Why? Was the sex bad? Did you love me? What did I do wrong? Why are you an asshole? How could you do this to me? " etc etc and all that. So now I have to decided is Rob will still be Rob or will Rob say f it . Yes it is easy to say " Just be you. Stay true to yourself. It was them not you." however, when things happen to you more than once, you tend to take a longer look into the mirror. After all, " You" are really the only thing you have control over. It is the only variable that you can change and adjust moving forward so it becomes quite tempting when you end up in situations like this.
          Real talk.... again.... I think I will be ight. A lot of things if my life are right where I need them be. I am in position to comfortably make some moves I have literally been dreaming about. I have to de-clutter my mind. Things are different now. Am I sad and hurt and all those things? Yes, however I tend to be optimistic. I know time will heal my wounds, but I also don't want to lose sight of what's in front of me. I don't want to drown in sorrow and sadness. I want to use it to fuel my fire. I got shit to do man. Like on so real shit, I have things I want to really accomplish out here in this world.
          When I am ready and a bit more clear I will tell you about what happened. I feel like if I do it right now it just won't come out right. Sometimes it is best to let things sit for a minute before you address them. So yeah i'm going to leave that there.


Peace, Love, and Happiness...

New!

                          Yerrrrrrrrr, Yeah I know, I haven't posted in a while but i'm back. I have transitioned and moved and I am settled in now. Ahhhh..Life is grand Lately I have been working hard at accepting something new. It hasn't been easy honestly and a lot of people have dealt with this. It is and it isn't that serious depending on the type of person that you are. So as usually I will give ya'll the real. My lady is absolutely beautiful, fine, gorgeous, attractive, desirable, exotic, sexy, and all of those other adjectives. This isn't a problem at all I promise. It isn't a bad thing either. It is just a thing and it isn't a thing. It is whatever I decide to make it really.  Rob, get on with it! Ok damn. As a man who is an introvert and pretty low key, it is taking me time to adjust to this attention. Yes I know the attention isn't mine directly per say, but I support her and view her content so I see things. No I am not looking for anything, but who doesn't scroll through comments every now and again. Now before you talk your shizzle, I am not the type to tell you what to wear, you can't go here, who is that guy, where you at, who texting you, who calling you, why you ain't call me back, over protective guy.  So no I am not making a big deal out of anything. I'm just saying I notice das it. Yes I said das.
                            Now this is why it is a thing and it isn't a thing. It is a thing because as a man I am very big on respect. There is nothing worse than disrespect. So I keep an eye out for the " Overly Friendly " shiznit. It is the dude in me and I have been through some things so don't judge me. Yes, I heard you over there,  " Wow so you don't trust her?" on the contrary, I trust her with damn near everything. As a man I am protective and men deal with things differently than woman do at times. Yes my lady can curve people and let them know she isn't interested, but it is different when a man lets someone know to step off. It sends a different type of message. Back to the point, I see things and I notice things and I gotta eat that sometimes just like we all do. Now real shit, some stuff use to bother the FUCK out of me. Like really bother the fuck out of me. I didn't bring them up or make them an issue because I recognized and understood it was a me thing not an us or her thing. However, overtime I have learned to relax and take things in, think, process and keep myself grounded. Now if I was the guy I mentioned earlier in this paragraph, then our shit would have been over before it ever started. So yeah this is why it could be a thing. Dudes are dudes, and people are people and we feel things and we react. That reaction will cause other things to take place. That is why I always like to think before I act. I know that my action is only the beginning and what happens next is on me as well regardless of what led me to take action. It is always a two way street, or three, or four.
                        So, why isn't it a thing? Honestly it isn't a thing because of the most simple reason. The reason most women give and the reason most people think of. " She is with you. She comes home to you. She is making love to you. She is going out with you. She is spending time with you." That is the honest truth when you think about it. When you really sit back a marinate on that, you will come to find that those things are the most important. Yes as people we tend to want more or we look and over obsess. Breathe, calm yourself, and relax. Learn to let the little things go because a lot of the time it is nothing. You must also learn to recognize when something is serious and needs to be addressed. Think about what the most important things are and focus on that. If some of those fall into a category that you feel isn't being fulfilled, have the conversation.
                         Alrighty so, final thoughts.At the end of the day you have to learn to vent and find a release. Don't drive yourself crazy. Don't obsess over things. Have the conversation and let the conversation be the end of that. If you have to keep rehashing it, that is a different story.  You also have to learn to let things go and accept things for what they are. Sometimes once you have processed things, had the conversation, and seen the results, it will tell you all that you need to know.




Love, Peace, and Blessings.

Rob

10 or so

Life has a funny way of making you take the long way to your destination. If you haven't read my other posts, then you will miss some things in this one, but it's kool. I find myself in a place I have never been before. Comfortable, afraid, happy, and without a doubt in love. I know what kinda mix is that right?

10 or so is referring to the years we have know each other. We met being adventurous and really took a risk on each other, but from the beginning we knew something was there. You know that feeling of " I don't ever want to see you anyone else" or "We could never be just friends" ? Yeah that has always been us. Like either we talked everyday and grew closer, or we completely left each other alone. Oh my bad, for the " Well what was the problem?" people, distance and immaturity make is very hard to be with someone even if you love them. A lot of distance, like a whole lot. So the thoughts, feelings, and intentions were there, but the circumstances and timing was trash.

Fast forward through years of conversations, Skype calls, an Atlanta rendezvous, and a Jamaican escape from it all where I finally said " I love you." and here we are. One thing that always seems to present an issue for most people when it comes to their feelings is time. Welp check! 10 years and counting. We are both very sure at this point. Ok now the immaturity. Welp we have both had other relationships, sitiationships, dates, and life experiences that we have both learned from which has greatly increased our appreciation for each other so... CHECK! Huh? Wha? Oh the distance... yeah so with that life experience I mentioned, we both ended up wanting to relocate..... Now the best part is, we are relocating for our own personal goals and reasons, it just so happens that where we both want to be isn't far apart at all. Matter of fact, she is already there so I am playing a bit of catch up.

No jumping through hoops, no trying to " PROVE" anything, no damn games, no fronting. The funny thing is, from the beginning there never was. We just took each other for who we were and who we currently are. We are ourselves with each other, farting, burping and nakedness. All we have to do is continue to love each other and treat each other with the respect we have for each other.. I mean I need to move too, but you get it. She is my #1. She is artsy, intelligent, talented, compassionate, sexy, understanding, and supportive. She is everything I want and need to feel completed. I truly feel like we were made for each other. I have never been this free with anyone. Being able to have a real conversation where your thoughts and feelings are valued and received vs being dismissed and judged is everything. That shit feels great! Think of every wonderful, comforting, exciting, and joyful feeling you have every had and have yet to experience and that is what we have between us. I can't describe it. Like imagine if you were to wish for 10 million dollars and that shit just appeared and you were ready to receive it? Like you had a plan set up in place to triple or quadruple it immediately. No uncertainty, no lack in confidence, just preparedness.

Yeah that is where our emotions are. Notice how I am using the word "we". Our level of communication is on 10000000000000000000000000. Nothing is really off limits and we always let each other know how we feel. We are without a doubt best friends. Every time we separated from each other and came back over the years, it was like we never left. Wanna know the scary part? We naturally have a ton of things in common. Like down to the lazy do nothing weekends stay in the bed and eat junk food kinda things lol. We literally talk everyday and the conversation is always new and refreshing. We feed each others craving for wanting more out of life, and we push each other to pursue our passions. We are partners in crime and love lol. I don't even like talking to people all that much unless there is a purpose behind the conversation. Her voice, thoughts, feelings, and opinions are my daily dose of comfort and peace. My day would be truly be incomplete without a single word from her.

This is where I am today. I am working on transitioning to the next part of my journey in life. I can't wait to see what is next. I can't wait to experience new things with my lovely lady. I am also looking forward to new opportunities and my big move whenever that happens. I still have some mental land mines and junk to sort through, but overall I am truly at peace. Life can and will happen. That's about it. If you are reading this, thank you for taking the time explore my inner most thoughts. I hope something I wrote helps you along in your journey.




Love, Peace, and Happiness

Robert Wilson Jr.

Make Sure You Are Heard.

Yerrrrrrrrr! Hello. So if you don't know I have a podcast " From My Experience Podcast" you can find it everywhere you listen to podcasts. I just wanted to put that out there because it goes with the title. I really believe that we all have a voice. We all have something to say. We all have things that at some point in time we will need to express. So....... make sure you are heard. Now, yes we have freedom of speech, but taking advantage of that can be costly. The point is, you have to let it out. You have to speak up. You need to find a way to express yourself in a meaningful way. There are endless ways you can interpret this, but I will just stick to communication in general. You have to be able to talk to each other. The tricky thing is, we all communicate differently and we all receive differently. It takes time to develop effective communication with someone. It also takes love and desire. I mean let's be honest, you can truly cancel anyone at anytime and choose not to deal with them at all and keep it moving. However, it will hinder you from learning how to communicate with a variety people. Why does that matter? It matters because you never know who you will need to make it to the next level. It doesn't mean you have to best friends, but there are a lot of benefits to even just a business relationship. I don't think anyone can truly teach you how to communicate, but one of the keys is to be able to look within yourself and understand that you are not perfect and you could always benefit from change. I am pretty open minded and that definitely helps. I also have a greater understanding of myself as a person. I know who and what I am willing to deal with and put up with. What does that mean? It means I can communicate with someone, listen to what they have to say, pay attention to their habits, motivations, and how it aligns with who I am. If it doesn't line up, then I know how to make the decision to either stay and work on things, or part ways. Parting ways isn't a bad thing. Everyone isn't meant to be in your life forever, at least that's what I believe. We are all in a world where we are trying to find our way by developing relationships, working, and pursuing our goals. It really is that simple on the surface. Communication is the key. Work on you communication and watch how things will change in your life. You will truly be shocked.  I will leave it at that.

So in closing, excuse any grammatical errors. I literally sit down and write these things when I am feeling how I am feeling. I may come back later and clean them up eventually. I hope that you have learned something from this and that you can use it to better your life.




Peace, Love, and Happiness

Rob

Sleepless Excitement

I am up at 2:20 AM on November 21st 2018 watching " The Last Kingdom" Season 3 on Netflix. One of my nearest and dearest friends is getting married in Jamaica this coming Sunday and I am meeting a very special lady there for an extended weekend of relaxation and pleasure. I guess all the excitement has me up.Work has been kicking my ass and has added a shit ton of stress, but things are looking up on that front as well. I just wanted to take a moment to reflect and be grateful for something to look forward to in this crazy world. Sometimes you have to just stop and smell the roses. Oh by the way Pepperidge Farm makes some bomb ass cookies SHEESH.

Peace, Love, and Happiness

Sea of Thoughts

It is 3:52 AM I got two warm... 1 warm krispy kreme doughnut in front of me while I binge " Insecure " while feeling insecure. That's some wild shit at 33. It is what it is though. To tell you the truth an old aching thought has reared it's ugly head. " I wanna be married with a house and kids and a dog I ain't even want. Oh yeah and that nice house." That was the original thought, but it has simply evolved.      " This ain't where I though I would be in my life at this age." . I know I am not alone in this. My friends and I have discussions about it and that definitely helps to talk things out. That is why it is important to have a tight inner circle...... Ight off that though. In my sea of thoughts, there is just too much for me to sort through. Instead of fighting against the waves crashing against me, I just let them consume me. Why you say? Honestly I have kinda just learned to float on top of the water. Yeah I get taken under sometimes and sometimes I swallow too much water. Hell sometimes I even throw up because the tossing and turning can get to be too much. However, every storm comes to an end. Some storms may be longer than others but they all do eventually come to an end. The short storms become laughable after you have been through a few of them. The long storms are a different story.
   Ight so straight up, you have to be super careful with those storms. They tend to let a lot of doubt and self-pity seep in. Once that overtakes you, it will be hard for you recognize when the storm is truly over. You will be in a state of mind that is a determent to your development.  I believe there are signs that let you know the storm is easing up, but if you aren't focused, you can end up turning yourself around and running back into the storm instead of cruising into the sunset. Again, having someone to talk to is important, but there is something much more important than that. ACTION.
   ( WARNING STRONG PERSONAL BELIEF!) If you are not taking actions towards your own progression, you will fail and you will stay stuck in the same place. We all need help. We all have the right to seek help and counsel and all those good things, but you will end up by yourself and you will be faced with decisions that have an impact. The questions is what are you doing? It is my experience that if you aren't willing to help yourself or at least show that you care about yourself on some level, others will be far less willing to bend over backwards for you. You are very visible when you reach out for help. You are inviting attention so naturally people are going to keep an extra eye on you in hopes that you are getting better so keep that in mind. I said all that to say make sure you are making a true effort to progress and better yourself.

Peace, Love, and Joy to you all.

My Heart, Mind, and Body Had A Conversation About Her.

Mind: " Hey you two wake up!... Now! I don't care if it is 4AM. I want to talk about her with y'all."

Body: " Word that's cool I was just dreaming about her and those soft lips and that ass in them yoga pants. It took everything for me not to try her that day"

Heart: " I already told y'all, we not letting her get away. Mind, I know you wanna take your time and let things develop slowly but yo, the chemistry is there both intellectually and sexually. What are we waiting for? We need to make her ours. Oh and Body, you been doing great by not pushing the sex thing at all really. I am kinda shocked. Even I was racing when I saw her in those yoga pants."

Body: " Listen y'all, I can only hold out for so long. She got one more time to press those sweet soft lips against me before I get a handful of that booty. It just hypnotizes me whenever I look at it. The funny thing is though, her eyes are what really drive me crazy. I feel like she is looking straight into us. I can't front though I do want to know what she tastes like.  I want to feel her legs wrapped around me. I want to feel her warm breath on my neck while I am inside of her. I want to connect with her in more ways than one."

Mind: " See this is the problem. We said we were going to take our time, but you two bout to mess it up. We have real conversations about real life situations and how we can progress together. The mental connection and the timing is everything. Every time we are together it is pretty much perfect so why do y'all wanna risk messing things up? Heart you can't always just jump right in. Body I know and understand how gorgeous she is and how tough it must be for you to resist, but one wrong move could end everything."

Heart: " Mind you know I am always in my feelings. When she sends pictures I smile. When we talk, I get all warm and tingly. When we hold her in our arms I melt. When we look into her eyes, I want to submit to her. When we kiss..... I want her to keep me forever. When she smiles at us, I feel like with being with her is where I am meant to be."

Body: " Dang heart, I thought I was the sensitive one, but you really falling quick. I have never seen you like this before. But you did make a good point and Mind obviously wasn't listening. We have sexual chemistry so I don't think a booty grab will hurt anything lol. Nah seriously though when we take it there we might be in trouble. Our connection with her is the real deal and this might be it y'all. You know ima hold it down and stand and perform as always ha ha."

Mind; " You know what, y'all go back to sleep. Let me handle this. I been doing fine all on my own. My bad, y'all have assisted a little bit. However, you know I am the best decision maker out of the three of us. As long as you two  let me stay in control and let me think clearly without clouding my judgment with you sexual desires and feelings, we will all be happy in the end."

Body: " Yo I got us those lips though. That's what got us to the level we on now. I hold her just right when we hug each other too. I make her feel safe and secure around us. That is what a woman wants and needs."

Heart: " So the gifts that I picked out had nothing to do with it huh? How about when I express myself during our conversations? Oh I thought so. A woman also needs to know that you care and that you are express your true feelings in different ways so that she can trust you and be comfortable with you."

Mind: " This is what I been trying to tell y'all. As long as you let me manage our physical desires and our feelings we good trust me. I can't lie though this is the first time in a long time we have all felt like we can really give someone everything. I do struggle with the fact that it has been a short amount of time since we started talking, but it is what it is. We can all agree that she is definitely worth the time, effort, and energy. She is easily the most beautiful women we have ever been involved with and her personality matches up with ours perfectly. She is crazy, sexy, and cool ha ha. Fellas we got this and she is letting us know that each day. "

Heart: " I hear you mind. Loud and clear. Matter of fact for the first time in a long time I agree with you too. I know I can be a bit much sometimes, but women are God's gift to man and I am always in search of a connection. Now that we have one, I just get so damn excited sometimes. But this time is different. This time it is real. She gives as much as she receives. This... This... She might be the future Mrs. Wilson man. I don't think she would to anything to break me."

Body: " See heart this is why we gotta keep you in check. We ain't even close to that level. I need time to explore her curves and make her submit to my touch. That takes time and that is important. Your woman should always know that no other man can make her feel the way you do. That way even when you are not around she is still thinking about the last time you were. See I know what I am doing too."

Mind: " I am done with you two. Go back to sleep man. We will talk again soon. Thanks for always keeping it real with me though. She feels the realness too because we keep it real with each other. We all agree but, we just go about it the right way. That's all i'm, saying."

Body: " Ight cool. Let me get back to this dream. We were getting to the part where she..."

Heart: " Body! We know. We know. We were there too remember? I am glad Mind is the head we think with most of the time.  Anyway I'll holla fellas."


My heart, mind, and body had a conversation about her. She is my muse. She keeps it real. She listens to me. She helps me focus. She is crazy, sexy, and cool. She likes me for who I am and where I am right now and that makes all the difference for me.

Peace and Love

Robert Wilson Jr.

Life Changes and So Do We.

I am a planner. A thinker. A " want to know as many details as possible" type of person. It used to truly bother me when a lack of information with the addition of having to make an important decision falls on my shoulders. Life has taught me that you can't and won't know everything. It is impossible. Therefore, I had to learn to adapt and adjust. I had to learn to accept things as they are sometimes. I recently learned that a client I am working with has a terminal illness. Oddly enough my grandmother is currently very ill herself. I comforted them both with hugs and I will continue to pray for them, but I just feel so helpless. I almost feel ashamed that things are going so well for me personally, yet someone I am close too is facing one of the scariest things a person could imagine. I really just don't know how to feel. I know that things like this happen and that's life, but it really makes me question the decisions I make each day. Sometimes I think we take the ones closest to us for granted. A kind word, a lunch date, a hug, a kiss, or even a text can make someone's day. I just want to make sure that the ones I care about know that I love them and I appreciate them. Tomorrow isn't promised which is why I try my best to make each day count. Everyday is a gift....


Love and Peace...

I'm Not Used To This, But I Like It!

So it is 1:36 A.M. on August 10th, 2017. Like right this very moment. For the past I would say.... 4 weeks, sleep has been pretty upset with me. It has been arguing, fussing, fighting, and straight up ignoring me. I find myself waking up at random times and not being able to find my rest. Am I stressed? Yeah, but I have been way more stressed than this. I mean let's see, work is going extremely well, love life is looking promising, my L.L.C. is continuing to grow, and I am finally about to buy my first house. Hmmm not bad right? Ha welp guess what? It isn't stress. It is excitement and anxiousness. For the first time in my life, I believe I have a real understanding of things. I mean a true understanding of what is going on, why it is going on, and how I can continue to move things in the right direction. I feel like I have literally found the secret to living life. I guess this new revelation has opened up my mind so wide that it can't handle all of these new thoughts and concepts. I have always believed that anything is possible in life, but now I feel it for myself. I feel like it is my turn to experience the impossible. I mean I am in a position to basically dictate my salary and work schedule. I have also realized the type of woman that I truly desire and need in my life. Actually I may have found her and date number 2 is coming very soon. She is intelligent, hard working, and isn't afraid of stepping out on faith to get what she truly desires out of life. There is so much more that I could say, but that is none of your business for the time lol. She really makes me feel very different than anyone else has before and I must confess I am in shock. She reminds me of myself. Weird right? I guess I am getting a glimpse of what I must be like. Anyway. Thoughts of what I want, what's next, and how I can help others truly keep me up at night. I guess it is time for me to map things out on the good old white board again so I can clear my mental and get some sleep. A brother be dead at work by 2pm and that is bad for business..... So yeah that is it for now. I think I will head downstairs and eat my leftover wings and watch youtube videos now...

Love...

Today

    Ok, I am back after over a year lol. Listen, if you have been reading my blog all along, you know I tend to disappear. However, I must say after reading my own posts front to back word for word, I feel so good about myself. I can honestly say the I have truly grown as a person. I am much more balanced and focused. I know what I want and I know how to get it. I go after what I want. PERIOD. 
   So I have a rare opportunity that most people don't get in life. I truly get a second chance. I have a new career, new friends, new connections, and a realistic outlook on life. I get the chance to overcome bad habits. I get the chance to carve my way through life as I see fit. I am so thankful for this opportunity!
     I am going to catch you all up real quick.... I own an LLC and currently operate 3 businesses under my umbrella. Uhh,.. no motorcycle yet but I am still working on that. I am single and no longer crazy about love. Don't get me wrong, I do still want a wonderful life with a lovely lady and kids, but it isn't an obstacle like it used to be. I view it much more differently now. It is more like an idea that I haven't brought to life just yet. It will happen organically and I am ok with that. What else.... uhhh... Oh so listen I have a podcast called " From My Experience" it is on youtube and soundcloud make sure you check that out. Other than that I am out here trying to build a future for myself and the ones I love. 
     I feel like I am truly alive. I am late to my own party but I am glad you all came. I will continue to share my life with everyone who decides to take some time to read about it. There will be laughter, love, joy and craziness. I hope you all enjoy it.

ADULTING!!!!!!

       Well, sorry for the leave of absence, but I'm back now. A lot has happened in the 3 years I have been away lol. I crossed a line, fell in love, started 2 businesses, lost some loved ones, and discovered much more about myself...... Yeah I will write all about that later. Yep all of it!!! As for now, I am adulting!!!

    What's adulting you say? Well uhhh... being an adult. Dealing with grown up situations in life. You know bills, responsibilities, adjusting to changes, planning a future, and making the most out of life. It is extremely difficult, stressful, and fun lol. Prime example, it has been 3 years since I have written on this blog. Why? ADULTING! I will say this however, the sooner you decide to start adulting, the easier it becomes. 
     Adulting is extremely important. You learn to let go of childish things, negative influences, and the things that hold you back as a person. You really start to live and experience new things in life. You start to find out who you are. I mean really find out. How? Isolation.. There are going to be times where it's just you. Alone. Stuck with yourself. Sounds depressing right? Well, it is! However, remember you get to choose what you want to do with that time. As for myself, I learned to love myself. I learned more about my habits, needs, wants, and deepest desires. No outside influences, just me and my thoughts. Sheesh that was a long hard road, but I am glad I took the journey.
     As a result of this, I am different. Some things are the same, but overall I am a very different person. I want a family, a big house, a huge garage for my cars and motorcycles. I want to run successful businesses. I want financial security. I want to create and maintain a comfortable lifestyle for myself and my family. So now I have to work for it. That's the reality of it. If you want it you have to work for it. Plain and simple.
      Ok enough adulting blog sheesh. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Thanks for reading all of the older blogs as well. I will try to add this to my adult schedule so that I write at least once or twice a month. Ugh committing to things is so adult. LOL see  you next time.

( Original Post Date April 30th 2016)

I'm Awake

  I swear I don’t even realize when I am sleeping sometimes. Not that laid out under those nice warm covers sleeping, but the “ohh crap I didn’t realize this was going on!” type of sleeping. Translation- Lack of attention and or focus on someone or something. Yep, guilty as charged for real. There were quite a few things I must admit I was sleeping on, one being myself and my own potential. I am just happy that I woke up. I opened my eyes, took a long stretch, let out a nice yawn and hopped to my feet. I am up! That was the hard part. Accepting the fact that you lack something you know you shouldn’t yet it’s your own fault…. -___- yeah that sucks. Fortunately, I am a believer in truth and responsibility. I own this short coming of mine. Now what shall I do about this? I have heard quite recently from a few different people that life isn’t about what happens to you its about what you do when life happens to you, or something like that. Like what action do you take when things fall apart? Do you bounce back? Give up? Complain? Remain nonchalant? Reflect? Adjust? Move on? Get help? Yeah I had to think about this while being honest with myself. I have learned through many problems in my life that there are always multiple solutions, however all solutions aren’t the right solutions. I have learned to think, reflect, plan, and then act. This has brought me great inner peace and a greater respect for life and all of the wonderful things it has to offer. Man, I am so happy that I woke up

Are you awake?

Love, Peace, Live, Love, Life. 

( Original Post Date April 3rd 2013)

The Word Man

Words are powerful tools. They bring about feelings and results. They make history. They have a lasting effect. They can remain hundreds or even thousands of years after you are gone. Words are eternal. Once they are spoken they can't be unspoken. What's done is done when it comes down to it. You can try to fix it with new words, but the old words will forever remain.

The Destroyer!!!!!! That was my nickname for myself at one point in my life. When I discovered the power of words some years ago, I tended to use them as tools of destruction. Not with the intent of malice or ill will, but as a tool of defense. My words were a way of letting people know exactly how I felt at that moment in time. I had no regard for the circumstances, or any other variable and that's what made my words capable of destruction. I flat out didn't care! Some people to this day are still recovering from things that I've said to them, others have recovered, and the rest have chosen to stay away completely. I have learned to not use my words in such a way anymore. I am no longer the destroyer.

The Healer!!!!!!! I guess in a way after causing so much destruction, I subconsciously needed to right my wrongs and rebuild the fallen structures that I have destroyed and use the power of words for good. Therefore, I revisited my demolition sites and began rebuilding them. Apologies, explanations, responsibility for my actions, consideration, and other forms of words were woven together strong enough to create new foundations for these structures to stand on. Although the destruction still left scars and marks on the new formation that had come to be, they weren't enough to overcome the beauty of the new structure. 

The Truth!!!!!!!!!!! The truth and the destroyer are twins with a twist. The truth tends to remodel rather than to tear down. It is a strong lover and wants to encourage improvement through honesty. A vast difference between his brother and he is that he takes everything into account, then delivers an honest and real observation. He also makes sure he has permission before doing so because he knows that he can truly hurt sometimes. Most of the time, truth does an excellent job of remodeling. The project may be grueling and take months or even years to finish, but in the end the new results are astonishing. 

I have played each one of these parts in my life. These are the names I gave myself because of the way I used my words. Today I have a new name. I have been this name for a while and I love this one the most. I wouldn't mind staying here for the rest of  my life.

The Artist!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am an artist of words. I form and craft my words to generate meaning beyond normal understanding that penetrates the mind and forces one to actually think. The best part about being the artist is that I am free. He is the most balanced of all the names and has the ability to use and combine each name to form endless possibilities. In short, he, not me as a person, is almost perfect. He is everything. He can make you love him, hate him, forgive him, do for him, and most importantly trust him. The artist's work will always speak to his observers and listeners He must always keep in mind through his work, his true self will always show through. I am an excellent artist of truth and understanding. It is the style I find myself using the most.



Overstand me. 

Love, Peace, Health, Happiness, Joy, Understanding, and LIFE......

See you in 2013

Continue Enjoying my thoughts and digesting my expressions. 

( Original Post Date December 31^st 2012)

A Question of Life and the People In it.

They say you meet people for a reason. Some stay only for a season, while others stay around forever. In the end, they say each of these encounters should leave each person with some kind of experience. I believe you should get or learn something from each other. I've crossed paths with many people in my short, in my eyes lengthy, time on this earth. Young, old, male, female, some still around, and most gone. 

   What I really want to get into is when you meet someone special. Someone that "Makes you feel some type of way." I must admit I have come across some ladies that have had this effect on me. Some of those feelings lasted a season, some lasted long enough for me to learn more about myself and move on, and some still remain. I find it funny how we say "If only this or that were the case I could make it happen." Before you know it BAM!!!! Here is that time.

     

    As always in life, when you get close to what you feel is right or what you want, challenges arise. One thing that I have learned is that the only way to get what you want out of life is to get out there and live. Obstacles have been around forever. What shall you do? Go around it, Go through it, over it, under it, or let it stand in your way? I refuse to let them stand in my way. However, it is not out of the question to think about what will happen once you reach the other side of the obstacle. Will the bruising, pain, hurt, energy, sacrifices, and or challenge of removing the obstacle be worth it? If you are already set and good to go, is it worth upsetting your balance on a chance of something more, or a greater balance?

   Ahhh, that is an idea to ponder. I am a calculated person at times. I tend to follow my heart over "Logic". My feelings tend to get the best of me and I would sleep better without the " What if I had?" question lingering around. Even if the “what if” sets me back and it ends up being the "Wrong move." I am ok with that because that is what life is all about to me. Live and Learn baby. To each its own. Everyone's situation is different so respect to that yo word.

   All I know is she makes me feel some type of way and I am no longer suppressing my feelings. It is what it is. All due respect to the facts and circumstances, I will be alright no matter how it goes. Though I hope it goes my way ;). This is the second time around and there is no guarantee of a third. So why should I let an obstacle prevent me from pursuing my opportunity. Only time will tell. 

P.S. Got on my DJ grind. I will blog about that soon.

Love, Peace, Life, and Love one more time.  ( Original Post Date November 29^th 2012)

A New Vision and A New Focus

The title of this post says a whole lot. Man I have so many things that I want to do right now, but they all conflict with each other. They are all life altering decisions, and some can be done together, and some must be done alone. The ones that do work together just don't seem like the right combinations though. Then you have the outside opinions of others. Almost all of them say the same thing.

Hmmm, I want to start my own small business, possibly go back to school, work on a type of promotion, or possibly leave the country for a couple of years. Time effort, energy, and money are all factors here. My desires also play a huge role. I want to have a family and all that good stuff. More importantly, I want to be able to support them just like I was supported growing up,or better. All of the things I want to do will help ensure these things.

The question is which do I choose? "Pray, leave it in God's capable hands, let go and let God." Yes I have heard this and I understand and know and respect the good Lord. I have faith. I am only human. I am both curious and anxious, and I want to make an effort. I believe that the lord would want me to show him that I truly want what I am asking for. The problem is, I think he wants me to make that choice before I come to him. He has been dropping hints for me, but they lead in all directions. In actuality, I could do all of the things I want. Maybe that is the answer, but I am not sure.

I want to achieve all of my goals, but where do I start? Right now I am searching for funding for starting my business. In a couple of weeks, I will start doing more research on going back to school and possibly leaving the country for a little while. My plan is to pursue whichever opportunity presents itself the best. Until then I am across the wall.

Ahhhhhh feels good to vent to my blog and my bloggers. Thanks for reading. Now I need to establish my routine of at least 3 blogs a month.

ON A TOTALLY UNRELATED NOTE I GOT P90X AND THE EQUIPMENT FOR IT AT A STEAL!! SO I WILL BE GETTING IN SHAPE TOO LOL.

Peace, Love, and Happiness ( Original Post Date September 9th 2012)

Conversation On The Moon

I visited the moon last night and had a conversation with the stars,

They said “We’re tired because we just got back from mars”,
I said “I'm tired too there's a lot to deal with on earth”,
They said “Yeah but at least you know your worth”.

They flew off back to where they came from,
but left me with some advice and then some,
They said “Rob we can tell you are wise beyond your years,
So keep your circle close and understand that being misunderstood comes with tears,

Head back home and continue to value your own worth,
Because you’re the only one that can cause your own hurt,
You might not understand now but you will soon,
See you next time on top of the moon”.

( Orginal Post Date February 22nd 2012)